Thursday, September 25, 2008

There's actually a Town called Fucking. That and my motherboard fucking died on me today!

Warning, this contains vulgar content.
Reader discretion advised.





First of all, my pc's motherboard went to shit today and I am using my laptop instead.
I got it back because the guy hadn't needed it due to having a better board.
I guess the motto here is offer up your motherboard and generously give two spare monitors away to people who need them and the reward is a fried mother-fucking-board.
Just great. Now I get to go motherboard searching and hope to hell I don't get a shit one at least until I can afford a good one that isn't in danger of crapping out in mere months. Lovely.
On the plus side, I have this here lovely laptop and by the way my priest is going to be returning with his family god willing on Oct 1st.
Good to see people can beat a liver infection.
And before you go snickering, he's not catholic and hardly drinks, he's married for fuck's sake.
Oh yeah, there's this village in Austria that's actually called...
Brace yourselves, nuggets...



Fucking!
Don't believe me? fine, here's a link!

I know! I'm as shocked as you!
At least I now have a social excuse to say fucking wherever I want (not that I need one anyway).
"Where ya from?"
"fucking"
"Fucking where?"
"Fucking Austria"
Or if I said
"Fucking Austria"
and someone replied
"Hey, don't slander Austria, I'm from there"
"Yeah and I'm from fucking Austria. Fucking is my town, where the motto is 'fuck you'. I gotta live up to my town's rep."
Maybe that's not the motto, maybe the motto is "Let's all fuck something" or "Today's a great day for fucking in fucking Austria".
How dd a town get a name like that?
Jeez, maybe if they had more cold showers, it'd be renamed "cold shower" Austria.
But no, they're too busy fucking each others' brains out to do that.
Well, with that its a good day to be alive I guess.
Keep sharp, good hunting and get the fuck out of my briefing room.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

CONFESSION

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball."
Man- "That's nice."
Boy- "Want to buy it?"
Man- "No, thanks."
Boy- "My dad's outside."
Man- "OK, how much?"
Boy- "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy- "Dark in here."
Man- "Yes, it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy- "$750."
Man- "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."

divorce cake


Honestly, I thought I had seen it all, but this both literally and figuratively takes the respective cake.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

One hole behind you

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."

"No, I wouldn't," he said.

She said, "I sell tampons."

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"

Friday, September 19, 2008

pics of the moment



I thought they were funny