Friday, July 4, 2008


i got from a page and thought I would share with you all.
The convert.
Martin Lewis converts and becomes a priest.
He give his first Mass in front of a number of high ranking priests who came for the occasion. At the end of the new priest's sermon, a cardinal goes up to congratulate him. "Pastor Lewis," he said, "That was very well done, you were just perfect. But next time, please don't start your sermon with, "Fellow Goyim..."

a beautiful blonde was driving outside athens and
her car breaks down suddenly.

then two greek guys approach her yannis and tassos
and ask her if she needs help .

she says yeah please it doesnt run.

tassos makes a signal to yannis and tell her ,

well we can fix your car but if you agree to have
sex with us ...!
she says are U crazzy but then she thinks if
they dont fix her car somebody else might come
and rape her anyhow .

then she says okay guys but under one condition
you have to use condom and leave the condom on...!
otherwise I will get pregnant...

tassos and yannis look at eachother since they never
heard of such thing called condom , they say okay.

so she put on both condoms and have sex with them
and ofcourse they fix the car and she goes on.

after one week yannis calls tassos ,
hey tassos , I cannot stand it anymore ,
I will take that thing off ...
I dont care if she gets pregnant...!

In a train carriage there were a Greek man, a Turkish man, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the Turkish man had a big red slap mark on his cheek.(1) The blonde thought:- "That Turkish idiot wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face".(2) The fat lady thought:- "This dirty old Turkish man laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him".(3) The Turkish man thought:- "That stupid Greek man put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me".(4) The Greek man thought:- "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that Turko again".

'Twas The Night Before Finals
Posted by webmaster on 25-Nov-2003
2073 people have seen this joke.

'Twas the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last-minute knowledge.

Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
Would loosen their thinking

In my own room,
I had been pacing,
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless,
His nose in his book,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.

I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were all muddy;
My eyes went a blur,
And I just couldn't study.

"Some pizza might help,"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.

I'd nearly concluded
That life was too cruel,
With futures depending
On grades earned in school.

When all of a sudden
Our door opened wide
And Patron Saint "Put-It-Off"
Ambled inside.

His spirit was careless,
His manner was mellow,
But summoning effort
He started to bellow:

"What kind of student
Would make such a fuss
To toss back at teachers
What they toss at us?

On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes!
On Last Year's Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit,
And Last-Minute Crams!"

His message delivered,
He vanished from sight,
But we heard him laughing
Outside in the night:

"Your teachers have pegged you,
So just do our best...
Happy Finals to All,
And to All, a good test."

man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked "Yes, Sir. May we help you?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." he said.

"We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your ear or whatever."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't piss out of it." the man replied.

Costume Party
Posted by phikapjames on 20-Jul-2004
2297 people have seen this joke.

One evening a husband and wife were about to go to a costume party. The wife knew her husband was going to be dressed like Gumby, but she hadn't chosen her costume yet. When it was time to leave for the party the wife decided she wanted to stay home, because of her awful headache. But she insisted that her husband still go and have fun.

After he left she layed down and took a nap. She woke up an hour later and felt good enough to go to the party. When she got there she saw her husband (the only man dressed like Gumby) flirting and dancing with many girls. She got very upset, and decided to "test" him. She approached him (he, of course doesn't recognise her). they started flirting and dancing. She was acting really sexual (for she knows it's her husband). Anyway, they end up having sex in the back of some car (no, he still does'nt realize who she is). When they're done he goes back to the party, but she races home. When at home she gets back in bed and starts reading a book (so as not to look suspicious). Not long after, he arrives home as usual. She asks him how the party went, and he replies "oh, you know, same old stuff. Me and the guys played cards and had a couple beers, but you gotta hear what happened to the guy who borrowed my costume...

Cop and the Kids
Posted by phikapjames on 20-Jul-2004
3323 people have seen this joke.

A policeman, patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot, saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting.

Stopping to investigate, he walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?"

"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.

"Well, sir, I'm reading, and my girlfriend is knitting a sweater."

"How old are you, son?" the officer asked.

"I'm twenty," the boy replied, looking at his watch. "And in about twelve minutes, she'll be eighteen."

Posted by webmaster on 25-Nov-2003
5327 people have seen this joke.

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What? You're crazy!" she said.

"Look, don't worry," he said. "It will be quick, I promise you."

"Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody..."

"At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, sweetie, I really need it."

"I've already said NO, and NO is final!"

"Honey, it'll just be a really small blowie... I know you like it too."

"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"

Desperately, he says, "My love, don't be like that. I promise you I love you and I really need this blowjob."

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown and her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes she says: "Dad says, 'Dammit, give him the blowjob or I'll have to blow him but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom button so the rest of the family can get some sleep.'"

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